


Love is never ever simple.

by FutureMrsHaroldStyles



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Cheating, M/M, SO MUCH SADNESS, Sad Harry, Sad Louis, i don't even know why i wrote this, i guess you could call this canon, it's only mentioned though, louis has a drunk one night stand, so much crying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-28
Updated: 2016-03-17
Packaged: 2018-05-16 22:05:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5842693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FutureMrsHaroldStyles/pseuds/FutureMrsHaroldStyles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis posts a picture of himself with his newborn son and Harry breaks down looking at it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Argh I'm so sorry I don't even know why I wrote this. I guess I just like to make myself cry. I don't even know why anyone would want to read this it is just heartbreaking. My poor Hazza :'(
> 
> I just got an A on an exam (yeah me :D) so I thought I could take some time off studying and write something. And this just kinda happened.
> 
> I wrote this in a couple of hours and it's unbetaed.
> 
> Disclaimer: Obviously this is probably not how it happened.
> 
>  
> 
> If you want to read this in Russian you can [here](https://ficbook.net/readfic/4024731)

Harry was lounging on the couch watching reruns of Friends with his mum and Robin in his LA house when his phone beeped with a new notification. He sat up a bit in order to grab it from where he left it on the coffee table not really paying attention to the TV anyway. He took a look at the display and there it was. He’s been waiting for this for day now and still his heart immediately began beating faster.

_@Louis_Tomlinson: Meet my little lad, Freddie https://t.co/nec7OqwuQR_

Harry immediately swiped the notification right and the tweet opened. He felt his heart clench at the picture that was attached to the tweet. It was black and white and it showed Louis with a tiny little baby cuddled up against his chest. He wasn’t wearing a shirt so you could see his “It Is What It Is” and “78” tattoo. He hadn’t shaved in a few days and just a look at his beard made Harry’s thighs itch with the want to feel it scratch against his skin. He hadn’t had beard burn in so long and he wanted it so badly. Louis eyes were downcast and his face expression was serious. Maybe a tad bit sad even. But no, why would he be said. He had a little son now and he always wanted kids. Even as young as they were so there was no reason why he would be sad holding his baby in his arms. The baby was absolutely adorable. But that didn’t surprise him after all he was looking at Louis’ son here of course he would be adorable. He was wearing a striped onesie and Harry was taken back to the beginning of the band when Louis used to wear stripes all the time.

He didn’t realise he was crying until there were soft arms being wrapped around him pulling him into a tight hug. He buried his face into his mum’s neck and breathed in her sweet smell trying to clam himself down while Anne soothingly rubbed his back.

“Sssssh baby, what’s wrong?” When Harry just continued crying into her neck Anne pulled slightly back so she could take her son’s phone out of his hand to take a look at it. Once she had seen the photo everything clicked into place. Of course she was expecting something like this. With Louis announcing the birth a few days earlier and all. That was the whole reason why she spent all her time with Harry for the last weeks. To take his mind of things and to be there for him in this difficult time. And that was what she was going to do now. Be there for him as best as she could to help him through this. So she just continued rocking him back and forth in her arms.

Finally, after what felt like hours Harry pulled away and looked up at his mum with tears still pooling in his eyes. “This should have been us, mum. This should have been us announcing _our_ baby. This is not what was supposed to happen. I… I… can’t… I don’t know what to do, mum.”

Harry let his mum take his face into her hands and wipe away the tears from his cheek before kissing his temple. “I know, baby. And I’m so sorry. I know this is not how you planned this but I promise you everything is going to be all right. Maybe not today or tomorrow or even next week but I know this will work out. I love you so much, Harry.”

“I love you, too. But right now I need to be alone for a while.” Harry leaned in for another quick hug and then got up and went upstairs to his room. It used to be their room. His and Louis’ but now it was just his room. He closed the door before leaning his back against it and sliding down until he was sitting on the floor with his arms wrapped around his knees. He started crying again. Or maybe he never stopped. Who even knew. He definitely didn’t know anything anymore.

Before he had left the living room he made sure to grab his phone so now he took it out of his jeans pocket and unlocked it. The twitter app with the picture was still open and he sat for a while just staring at his boyfriend. No not his boyfriend anymore. They were on a break. Not only with the band but they were also taking a break from there relationship.

It was Harry’s idea and every single day he doubted if it was the right decision. But the last year was just too hard, he couldn’t go on like this anymore.

***

2015 started off pretty good with Louis finally being allowed to “break it off” with Eleanor. They were all relieved that this chapter of their life was finally over. It’s not that Harry and Louis didn’t like her but all three off them were just really tired of pretending all the time.

It all took a turn for the worse when Zayn decided to leave the band though. Louis was devastated. They all were to be honest but Louis took it the worst. Him and Zayn had been so close and he felt like Zayn was leaving him behind as a best friend. They went from spending most of their time together to radio silence. Harry tried as best as he could to be there for his boyfriend while trying to cope with the whole situation himself but Louis didn’t want to talk about it. All he did was go out and party nearly every night with his friends from Doncaster. Really it was kind of like when you have a bad break up and want to show your ex how great you are doing and how much fun you were having even though you really didn’t.

It was a hard time for all of them. Harry hated that Louis didn’t let him in and that he had to fall asleep alone most nights while Louis was out getting shit faced.

 

One night while they were staying in LA during a break between two legs of the OTRA tour Harry woke up in the middle of the night because he heard sobs coming out of the bathroom. He got out of bed to go and see what was going on and he found Louis sitting in the shower crying into his hands while the water rained down on him. He immediately turned the water off and got in next to him before pulling his boyfriend into a tight hug thinking this was finally when Louis broke down and would let him in and talk to him about how he was feeling.

Harry held Louis in his arms and let him cry while trying to comfort him with soft whispers of “everything’s going to be all right” and a soothing hand rubbing on his boyfriends back. Louis kept crying for at least half an hour occasionally sobbing how sorry he was before Harry pulled back. He took Louis face into his hands and started wiping away the tears that rolled down the beautiful face that he loved so much. “C’mon, love. Let’s get out of the shower. Let’s get you all dry and into bed and then we can talk.”

Louis let himself be pulled up from the shower floor and Harry quickly grabbed two big fluffy towels. He wrapped one around himself before taking the other one to dry Louis off. They both put on some sweats before crawling under the comforter of their bed.

Louis was still quietly crying so Harry pulled his head against his chest and started combing his fingers through the other man’s still wet hair. “What’s wrong, love. Please talk to me you’re worrying me.”

Louis pulled away so he could look at Harry and started talking slowly but quickly gained speed the longer he was talking. There was a frantic look to his eyes. “I’m… I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to do it… It just kinda happened. Please you have to believe me I love you so much. I never wanted to hurt you. You’re my everything, Harry. You are my whole world!”

Harry went stiff. What could Louis have done that he was so distraught about? Suddenly this didn’t feel like this was about Zayn leaving after all. This was about something different. Something Louis has done while he was out getting drunk off his face. Harry’s voice was tense when he talked. “What have you done, Louis?”

Harry watched the older man intently. Louis averted his eyes so he was looking at his lap instead of Harry’s eyes. Harry didn’t like this one bit. “Tell me, Louis. What is this about?”

“I’m so sorry, Harry. I slept with some girl.”

There was a dead silence after that. Louis was waiting for Harry’s reaction and Harry didn’t know what to say. Hell, he didn’t even know what to think. His mind was all foggy and he couldn’t think straight. This was definitely not what he was expecting at all. After nearly five years together he was absolutely sure that Louis was his soul mate and he was Louis’. He never once thought that Louis was capable of doing something like that.

Before Harry could get his thoughts sorted Louis was talking again. “Please, you have to believe me that it didn’t mean anything! I don’t know how this happened, I was just so drunk and I didn’t think. I love you, Harry. Only you. Please, forgive me. I’ll do anything for you to forgive me. I only want you -”

“Don’t. Stop talking. I can’t think. I need to think.” Harry buried his face in his hands. Tears started leaking out of his eyes while he rubbed his temples. This couldn’t be happening. He couldn’t deal with this right now. It was the middle of the night, he was tired and he just couldn’t get his thoughts straight. He felt like falling apart. He could feel his heart ripping into pieces. He was craving a hug so badly, strong arms holding him together. But when Louis placed his hand on Harry’s thigh he pushed it away immediately because he couldn’t stand Louis touch. “Get out, Louis. Please, get out. I need to be alone right now.”

After a bit of hesitation Louis complied with his request and left presumably for one of the guest rooms. And then Harry was alone. Alone with his thoughts. Thoughts of Louis being with someone else. A girl. The love of his life had had sex with some random girl while he had been alone at home waiting for him to come home and maybe finally talk to him about everything that had happened in the last few months.

That night Harry cried himself to sleep.

 

The next morning Harry made a decision. He was going to give Louis a second chance because he couldn’t just throw away the last five years. Plus he was pretty much convinced that Louis was the one so who else would there be for him if he didn’t forgive Louis? He was going to let Louis prove himself but under one condition.

 

Once he got down into the kitchen Louis was already standing at the counter making two cups of tea. He turned around as soon as he heard Harry’s soft footsteps on the ground. His eyes were red and puffy surely not very different from Harry’s own. They were staring at each other for a while before Harry decided to put Louis out of his misery.

“I’m gonna give you a second chance, Louis.” He watched as Louis face lit up. Everything went pretty fast and suddenly he felt warm arms engulfing him in a hug.

“Thank you, Harry. Thank you so much. I love you more than anything. You’re not gonna regret giving me a chance I promise.”

“I have one condition though.”

Louis pulled away and took Harry’s face between his hands. “Anything. I’ll do anything. I’m going to stop drinking and going out so much. This was just a distraction anyway I didn’t even enjoy it. I’d much rather spend my evenings with you at home. Tell me what I have to do and I’ll do it. I swear.”

“You need to talk about Zayn leaving. I know it kills you and you’re just keeping everything inside. You need to let it out. Talk to me, love.”

It was definitely not easy but Louis wanted to make this work so he sucked it up and told Harry everything. He told him about how he felt like he was replaced as a best friend by Naughty Boy and how he felt like Zayn left him behind. How he missed spending time with him so much. How he sometimes couldn’t even stand being on Bus 1 because Zayn wasn’t there with him. It was hard talking about it but he had to admit that it felt good to get it off his chest.

Harry could honestly say that Louis was making an effort. He even got into multiple fights with management to get them to agree on loosing the Larry Stylinson ban up a bit. They were allowed to stand next to each other sometimes again and to Harry this felt huge.

But then the day came were they found out that the girl Louis had sex with was pregnant and Harry felt his whole world crumbling again. This was the one thing Harry himself could never give Louis. A baby.

 

In their five years of being together they talked a lot about their future. Once their contract ended and they were on a break they wanted to come out to the world. They were more than ready and only that stupid contract their naïve younger selves signed all those years ago was holding them back. They wanted to get married. They even decided a few things concerning their wedding already. And they wanted to have kids. A lot of kids. The fact that they couldn’t have biological kids together was hard on Harry. He just wanted to give Louis everything. And it killed him that he couldn’t give him this. Something a random girl could give him. This random girl got pregnant and in a few months she would give Louis a baby.

It took some time for them to get on good terms again. It was hard for Harry to get over this. Louis was always by his side though, telling him that he was enough. That Harry was all he needed. That this didn’t change anything.

Management allowed them to interact more now that they had the ultimate thing to cover up at least Louis homosexuality. They were finally allowed to sit next to each other in interviews again. They even shared some jokes with each other on camera. One highlight was definitely the hug they shared on their last tour date in Sheffield. It wasn’t planned but more an impulse thing to do. It was definitely the best Harry felt in a long time in public. To be able to hug the love of his life in front of the world for the first time in years was overwhelming. It reminded him that this was all worth it.

They had a meeting a few weeks later where they got the outline for their public appearances for when they were “officially on break” but still under contract. That was when Harry decided he couldn’t do this anymore. Louis had lots of pap walks scheduled for the end of December and even a skiing holiday in France with some actress who wanted to get some publicity. And then he had lots of sightings scheduled in LA in January to show the public that he was there for the birth of his child. That he was there for the mother of his child before and after the birth.

Harry realized he couldn’t do this at the moment. It was only until March now but this was nonetheless all too much for him. He couldn’t sit at home anymore and watch Louis go on dates with other people while he was actually his. He just wanted the world to finally know that he was Louis’. He couldn’t do that though. But he also couldn’t keep going like this.

He told Louis that evening. He told him that he needed a break. That maybe the time apart would do them good. Time to clear their heads and get their lives in order. Harry argued that Louis needed to be there for his baby and that he couldn’t be by his side doing so at the moment. That it hurt too much. There was a lot of crying and pleading going on that night. Finally, they decided to take a break until their contract ended and then they would meet up again and decide what they would do from there.

They parted ways after spending one last night together and since then Harry had spent most of his time alone at home before family stepped in and now he is under constant surveillance. They didn’t want him to be alone and he was so thankful for them.

After Christmas he decided to treat his parents to a holiday. Gemma couldn’t come because she already had other plans. They had a nice time nonetheless chilling on the yacht of his friend’s family in the sun. There were constantly loads of people he knew around and he really enjoyed the company.

 

He was back in LA now and his family was still staying with him. He was so glad that he didn’t have to be alone right now. He hadn’t been in contact with Louis since that night all those weeks ago. He really thought the distance would do him good but to be honest it’s killing him. The thought that they were in the same city but weren’t meeting up was unbearable. They were so close but yet so far away.

He’d been anxiously waiting for the baby’s birth and last week the time had come. Louis announced that he had a son. It hurt so much to know that Louis had a son without him. Having kids was always something they wanted to do together. And now Louis had that but he didn’t.

The last week was hell. He was constantly checking twitter for new pictures of Louis he only ended up crying over. There were loads. Management was really milking this whole situation.

***

And now here he was alone on the floor of his bedroom staring at the first picture of the love of his life with his baby son that wasn’t his son as well. It fucking ripped his heart apart. This was torture and yet he couldn’t stop looking at it. Couldn’t find the energy to put his phone down and get off the floor. He sat there for what felt like hours before he made a decision. He quickly dialled Louis number. This was such a stupid idea but he just really needed to hear his voice.

His heart stopped once Louis picked up. “Harry?”

Louis voice was so soft with a tad bit of sadness mixed into it. What was he doing? He didn’t even plan on what to say. This was such a shit idea. He could hear Louis breathing on the other line patiently waiting for Harry to speak. He needed to say something. Anything.

“He’s absolutely gorgeous, Louis. Congratulations.” And with that he pressed the end button and started sobbing again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hiya :)
> 
> Sorry for the long wait I had a bit of a lack of inspiration. I only just wrote this yesterday and I know it's short but well.
> 
> This is unbetaed and probably not how things really happened.

Harry enjoyed the hot water that was raining down on him. He was taking a quick shower before he had to finish packing his bag. He had a flight to catch.

Once it felt like he rinsed all of the conditioner out of his hair he turned off the water, pushed the shower door open and stepped out. He took his towel from where he had put it on the counter and quickly dried himself off before wrapping it around his waist. Then he took a second towel and wrapped it around his head so it covered his hair. He took a look in the mirror. He looked good. He felt good. Better than he had in a long time.

He was finally starting to get his life in order. And to do so he was going to back to England. LA has always been his city. He was the first one of them to buy a house there and he was the one who spent most of his time there. While the others used to prefer to go home to their families during their days off, Harry always preferred to go to LA and soak up a bit of sun. But now it just felt weird being in the same city as Louis and not being with him (in the confines of their home of course – god forbid for them to be seen together). He felt weird about that but he also understood why Louis had to be in LA. He had a baby with a girl who was LA based so of course that’s where he had to be at the moment. There was no way that Louis would be anywhere else right now. He was a good responsible father and as such he had to be near his son. So Harry decided to take matters in his own hands and go back to England. He still had a house in London and he was convinced that a change in scenery would do him good.

Since his moment of weakness last month when he called Louis and congratulated him on his child Louis was insistently trying to get in contact with Harry. Apparently he took the phone call as the end of the radio silence between them and thought Harry was ready to talk things out and maybe even get back together. Harry wasn’t though. He just wasn’t ready yet. He needed to deal with his own issues before he could think about being with Louis again. The fact that Louis was a father and he wasn’t was really getting to him but it was also not something he could change. He needed to deal with it and accept it.

So he kept dodging his calls letting them go straight to voice mail and ignoring the countless texts he got from the other boy. He didn’t even bother to read them. He was weak for Louis and he wasn’t sure he could keep away from him once he read his texts. Honestly he didn’t know what was getting into him when he called Louis that night but he sure as hell wasn’t ready to see Louis again.

Anne – bless her – was finally able to talk some sense into him a few weeks ago. She was done with his wallowing in self pity. She made it clear that if he ever wanted to be able to get over his issues with Louis having a child with someone else he needed to get his life in order. Sitting at home doing nothing wouldn’t change a thing. Harry had to admit that this was probably true and as he was sure that Louis was his soul mate it was time to start making an effort. So he started leaving the house again, meeting up with friends or just going out for some coffee by himself. It felt good to be out and about again.

He got Anne and Robin tickets for the Late Late Show as a little thank you and to show them how much he appreciated everything they did for him. He even went with them making it a family night out but he stayed strictly in the backstage area as he didn’t want to be seen. James banter was really nice. Harry really missed spending time with his friends. He suddenly didn’t know why he cut himself off from everyone anymore. How did he think he could do be all by himself and get better?

After the great night he spent with his family and James he even accepted the invitation to go to the Grammys pre party. It really felt good to be surrounded by people again and even if he didn’t stay long he had a great evening. He talked a lot with people from the industry and he even made plans with some people to meet up sometime for a bit of song writing. 

Only later when he was back in his bed he saw the pictures of Louis with Danielle at another party. A d-list party when he could have gone to the a-list one Harry attended. Immediately thoughts about Louis preferring to go to the party his “girlfriend” was going to, to the one Harry was at crept into his mind. What if it wasn’t a stunt anymore? What if Louis fell in love with her? What if their arrangement turned into something more? What if he was already over Harry and was just trying to call him to tell him he didn’t want to fix things anymore because he had found someone else. Someone better. He couldn’t even blame him, Danielle looked stunning and would make a great girlfriend.

“Stop it!”, Harry scolded himself. He had had a lovely evening and he wasn’t going to let these thoughts ruin it for him. Louis didn’t know Harry was at the other party or else he probably would have showed up there as well. Harry was pretty sure Louis’ persistent phone calls and text messages meant that he wanted to work things out. If he didn’t want to be with Harry anymore there would be no need for him to get in contact with Harry. And his relationship with Danielle was a job. They had a contract and looking loved up in public was part of their commitments. Harry knew how PR relationships work as he had a fair share of them himself and Louis’ was just that and nothing else. Louis still loved him. Oh how he hoped that Louis still loved him. He sure as hell still loved Louis. With that Harry fell into a restless sleep.

***

Harry zipped up his bag after he had double-checked if he got everything he needed (admittedly not very much as he had most of his wardrobe for colder weather already in his London home). He just got a coat out of the closet for when he landed in London and then he got his key and made his way outside where a driver already waited for him to take him to LAX. On the way to the airport he made small talk with the driver and sang along to a few songs on the radio. He was excited to go back to England. He was excited to see his sister again and spend some quality time with her. He even contemplated going to the Brit Awards on Wednesday. 

That plan changed rather quickly as he found out about Louis and Liam being confirmed guests for the award show. They would even present an award. Harry couldn’t walk the red carpet with Louis and sit on the same table as him the whole evening. He wasn’t ready. This was so not fair. He came to London to get a bit of distance between his ex boyfriend and himself and now Louis was coming to London as well? Was Louis trying to make his life harder on purpose? 

Harry spent Wednesday night with his mum, Robin and Gemma in Holmes Chapel. They had a family game night. Sitting on the floor they played scrabble just like they used to do once a week back when Harry and Gemma both still lived at home. 

The Brits were playing on the TV in the background. Harry tried not to pay too much attention to it. He wanted his family to think that he was doing fine even though seeing Louis and hearing his voice after so long of only seeing him in pap pictures ever so often affected him greatly. Louis looked great. He was wearing black slacks paired with a black dress shirt and a grey suit jacket. His hair was styled out of his face in a quiff.

After they were done with their game of scrabble and Louis and Liam had accepted their Brit award Harry spelt out a thank you note on the scrabble board for their fans and posted a picture of instagram of it before excusing himself to bed.

It was weird being in his old bedroom again. He still had a few posters on the wall from his teenage years. This was his home for so long and yet it didn’t feel like home anymore. His home changed when he was 16 years old and fell in love with the loud, mischievous, caring boy that was Louis Tomlinson. From that moment on his home wasn’t a place anymore but a person. And that was partly the reason as to why now he felt so out of place everywhere he went – because Louis wasn’t there with him. He didn’t know how long he could keep away from Louis any longer. He really really missed him and wanted to see him and talk to him and maybe he even was ready to meet little Freddie and fall in love with him as well.

That night he spent watching the few interviews Louis and Liam gave at the Brits over and over again. Finally he fell asleep with tears in his eyes to the sound of Louis talking about being a father in the background.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I'm sorry for this.
> 
> Feedback and kudos are always welcome :)
> 
> If you want you can come talk to me on [tumblr](http://harrysmanbunisprettierthanyou.tumblr.com/)


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